Partners
by esotaria
Summary: The prompt was IshidaKon. The result was crack.


Ichigo yawned, shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked up the stairs to his bedroom. Finals were finally over, and the teenager was looking forward to a summer break that didn't involve fighting gigantic soul-consuming monsters or stopping two-faced psychopath's evil plans to rule the known universe. _Just gimme some regular Hollows. I can handle them and sleep._ It was about damn time that things settled back into something vaguely resembling normality. _Naaaaaaaap._ He opened the door to his bedroom, gladly anticipating the joyous warmth of his bed.

Presuming, of course, that he could _find_ his bed. Under normal circumstances, this would not have been a difficult task, but now clothes, books, and cds littered the room, making the bed rather hard to locate.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Ichigo waded through the sea of crap – since when did he even _have_ this much stuff? – trying to locate the source of the problem. Conversely, this was not so hard to find; the moment Ichigo shouted, Kon poked his head out of the mire.

"AH! ICHIGO!" the little mod-soul shouted. "I HAVE SOMETHIN–"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO MY ROOM?" Ichigo had little patience with formalities or nicities, and he certainly wasn't a firm believer in breathing.

"GACK! ICH–IGO..." Kon choked, struggling in the teenager's hold. "LET----GO..."

"Not until you explain what you're doing to my room!" Ichigo snarled. Helplessly, Kon gestured to his throat. _Oh. Right. No air, no words._ Snarling, Ichigo let the mod-soul fall.

"HMPH! BRUTE!" Kon huffed and brushed himself off. "No wonder I'm moving out!"

"Huh?" Ichigo blinked at Kon, not quite registering his words.

"That's RIGHT!" the plush barked, striking an accusing pose. "I've had enough of your abuse! Always hitting me and choking me and using me, without ever asking! And poisoning Rukia-neechan and Orihime-san against me! Well NO MORE! I'm packing up my stuff and MOVING OUT!"

Ichigo scratched the back of his neck, too puzzled to be angry anymore. 

"What stuff?" he asked.

"Lots of stuff!" Kon said irritibly, and held up a tee-shirt. "Like THIS!"

"...that's mine."

Kon stealthily tossed the shirt aside and picked up a cd.

"AND THIS!"

"...that's mine too."

A graphic novel.

"Mine."

Another tee-shirt. 

"Mine."

A walkman.

"DEFINITELY mine."

"SHUT UP!" Kon wailed, tossing the walkman aside. "I KNOW I HAVE SOMETHING! I've lived here for MONTHS! There must be SOMETHING!" The little plush collapsed atop a pile of clothing, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Oi..." Ichigo grumbled, eyeing the plush warily. "Stop getting my clothes wet. They're already wrinkled." Yuzu was _not_ going to be happy with this.

"SHUT UP! YOU'RE SO HEARTLESS!" Kon's sobs only became more violent.

"Kurosaki, I'd appreciate it if you didn't torment my partner."

"Ishida!" Ichigo jumped at the other boy's sudden appearance. "What're you doing here?"

Ishida snorted softly and pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Picking up my partner," he said coldly. "Kon, are you ready to go?"

Kon looked up from the clothes pile, still wibbling.

"ISHIDA!" he wailed, tackling the Quincy. "ICHIGO WAS BEING MEAN!" 

Ichigo gaped as Ishida petted Kon's head, comforting the distraught mod-soul.

"What the – Since when – _Why_?" he stammered, trying to wrap his mind around the scene before him. 

Ishida shrugged.

"I'm starting up my own business," he said, adjusting Kon on his shoulder. "Plushies and dolls. And since every good craft store needs a mascot...I thought Kon would serve well as one."

"HAH! SEE!" Kon crowed. "Ishida appreciates me for who I am and my manly physique!"

_No, he appreciates how gaga girls will go over you_, Ichigo thought, but he had the sense to keep it to himself.

"Well...good for you, I guess," he said, giving Ishida a cheerful slap on the back that knocked most of the breath out of him. "I think you two are perfect for each other! Really! Your shop will be a great success!" He began pushing the two out the door, babbling cheerfully before slamming the door shut behind them. He kept his ear against the door, waiting until he couldn't hear Kon's excitedly ramblings about all the pretty girls who would come to the store anymore. _YES! No more Kon!_ Ichigo started to do a victory dance around his room, only to trip over a large pile of boxer shorts.

"Shit! KON, GET BACK HERE AND CLEAN UP MY FUCKING ROOM!"


End file.
